a flute of daydreams

i am a sunset dreaming of the sunrise

resolve.

this year, i want to live a lot more like the life i desire for myself. 

which is mostly, not to be caught up in any rat race, any fool’s quest or delight in any sort of victories that will end up pyrrhic. 

all it takes, i think, is to not want so much of false accoutrements, and to care less about fleeting accolades. 

to live a lot a lot a lot more like a poet and a pilgrim, to write more, to think more, to feel more, to meander more, to dream more, to want more of mysteries and magic and less of everything else. 

but very very concretely, this year, i want to tell the story of the girl who was across the counter from me when i bought tennis balls and table tennis balls for school. 

she is all the other lives i haven’t lived. 

i want to write about all the other lives and in so doing, live them. 

a good life.

i wish there was still a way for the little people to be happy and carefree in this world. 

when i heard the song, sang live, on a sunday morning when i was exhausted and feverish, i felt tears rushing to my eyes. because i haven’t slept in days and i don’t know how far responsibility has to go. 

i don’t want to be anything more than what i am, not now. and the most important thing that anyone can know about me is that i am not ambitious. i don’t want to be rich or famous or powerful. i want to have time and world to spend and spare as i wish. 

but life is turning out very differently and when i ask myself, why am i here? i can’t honestly say that i know; i can’t honestly say that i’ve fought for it, or even wanted anything of where i am in the least. 

at some point, everything would change, and i would feel that i have given enough of myself to take a bit of my own.

and then, i would be a wanderer, a pilgrim, a writer and live exactly as i wish. 

destinations.

annapurna circuit, nepal

torres del paine, chile

kilimanjaro, tanzania

easter island, chile

flaming cliffs, mongolia

i want to travel forever!

the last goodbye.

early this week, i saw my first, my only batch of graduating students receive their results. 

i was happy for them, but very sad at the same time, because i don’t know that i’ll love another bunch of students as much as i loved them.

when i was in melbourne, i remember walking on the cliffs, looking out at the twelve apostles and thinking of how much i wanted to bring a group of geography students there. 

only, it wasn’t just any group of geography students but them. 

aaron, would be the only one who drifts off, right to the edge of the cliff. kelvin would be reading every signboard carefully, eager for knowledge. the girls would be taking pictures, of the waves, of the kangaroos and the odd seals. i can see where each and everyone of them would be. 

i remember how wistful i felt then—perhaps i should have fought harder for that one trip, ms. lin and her pure geography students. 

but that’s over, most did well and i am so proud of them. 

yet it’s also, the end of an era. 

come june, i’ll miss everything about where i was. 

every step forward contains so much of what is left behind. 

how more goodbyes?

she’s waiting there for you.

we’re going to africa! we will trek above the clouds on kilimanjaro, hug cheetah cubs (if mommy cheetah lets me) in the serengeti and sip beer in zanzibar!

i’ve been ridiculously excited the entire afternoon and evening, something ning found very very very curious. 

but i love africa! of the thousand places i want to visit, africa is the fondest. i want to wear a panama hat, a safari suit and ride in a jeep across the plains of the serengeti with a pair of binoculars around my neck. i want to sleep in a tent under the stars with the low cries of wildlife around me. i want to scramble over rocks and make it to the 5895m summit of mount kilimanjaro. i want swing in a hammock while palms sway in the breeze in zanzibar. 

unfortunately, i think it will be our most costly trip yet, in the vicinity of 10k per person >.< 

fortunately, we’ve got bonuses coming in! 

looking forward to making the booking in march, as soon as the bonuses are in! =)

daydreams.

A puzzle:

A box contains an unknown number of pebbles, each marked either X, Y or Z. You do not know the exact numbers of X, Y, and Zs, but you know that number of X > Z > Y. You must now sort them into groups with the following conditions:

  1. Each group must not have more than 8 members.
  2. Each group must contain at least 2 Ys.
  3. Each group must contain at least 1, but not more than 3 Xs.
  4. Each group must contain at least 1, but not more then 3 Zs.

Are there situations when it is not possible ensure that all pebbles in the box in groups that satisfy all the above conditions?

If each group must contain 2 Ys, the maximum number of groups that can be formed is Y/2.

If each group cannot contain more than 3 Xs or 3 Zs, the minimum number of groups that has to be formed is the bigger set (i.e.  X) divided by 3, X/3

Therefore, if X/3 > Y/2, the pebbles cannot be grouped in a way that satisfies all conditions!

This very intriguing and random puzzle came from our staff contact time, where we were told to basically form groups according to the above conditions. Intuitively, I felt certain that there would be situations where we simply cannot group ourselves to ensure that all groups fulfil the above conditions. However, I couldn’t quite prove it there and then (and anyway it was not important to because nothing detrimental was going to happen if we didn’t quite adhere to the conditions anyway). Nevertheless, I was mulling over it for a couple of days and during our Sunday brunch, Ning and I figured it out!

What is more interesting, though, is in looking at the problem as a system level problem. If you start off with all pebbles in the box and you are merely grouping them, then as long as X/3 Y/2, the problem can be solved with all groups meeting the conditions.

However, if you change the problem such that each pebble becomes an agent capable of moving to another group, and all the pebbles are already in random piles, even when it is possible that the groupings are not achieved when X/3 Y/2.

Let’s postulate a very simple and reasonable principle each agent would work by: each agent will attempt to move as little as possible in trying to be in a group that meets the conditions.

In the worst case scenario, there are some groups of agents among other random groups where there are 6 Ys, 1X, and 1Z. These groups would satisfy the conditions, and hence none of the agents, crucially the Ys, would move. As Y dictates the maximum number of groups, if all of the groups containing Ys contain 6 Ys, the maximum number of groups is further reduced from Y/2 to Y/6. Since both X>Y and Z>Y, there will be leftover Xs and Zs. In other words, this will not be an optimal distribution of the pebbles.

How can we then ensure the optimal distribution of agents? We can then put in another operating principle in the agents to require them to move when there is another group where Y < 2 even if they are already in a group which does not fails the conditions. However, if we do not assume that each agent is omniscient of all the groupings in the system, then we need to ensure that there is communication between groups of agents.  

On the other hand, we can tweak the conditions such that the limiting factors are exactly distributed i.e. Y = 2 instead of Y 2. However, this will reduce the flexibility of distribution.

What if we return to the initial conditions and ask, what do the conditions represent? In a real world, we might postulate that conditions represent some sort of baseline functioning conditions i.e. the local systems (groups) would not work if the conditions are not met. However, these may not represent the local optimal functioning conditions.

Anyway! I’m not an optimization expert but it was a very interesting experience deriving these from an innocuous staff conference instruction. If I had another life, I’ll be an academic!